Perfect

That word alone is daunting. It scares me. It makes me run. Why?

Because I will never attain perfection. I will never make it there alive.

"If you try to be perfect you will fail."

That is what we hear every day in our society.

But what if we are already perfect?

What if we don't have to attain perfection, because we are already there?

I have been asking God to show me what He sees in me, what does He see when He looks at me. And the other night, He said, "Perfect."

I was just sitting there like, "Whoa, God, that must have just been my brain making stuff up cause you didn't really mean that....right??"

"Perfect," He whispered again.

Again I was baffled. I am SO far from perfect....Could He really be saying this to me?

So I opened my Bible to prove to God that I was anything but perfect...and He brought me immediately to the word "perfect". First word I read in fact.

"This is the genealogy of Noah. Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations. Noah walked with God."

Genesis 6:9 (Emphasis mine)

Umm....Okay, yeah God but that was Noah. Not Chiarra. Noah was like a wonderful person, he did everything right. He had to never do anything wrong! You called him perfect in his generation....

"No, My child, He walked with Me."

"Noah walked with God."

"Oh, okay... so what does that mean then?"

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;

Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;

Do not forsake the works of Your hands."

Psalms 138:8

 "I perfect that which concerns you. I make you perfect. You just have to walk with Me and let Me work and finish the perfection that I have already started."

Then I got curious what perfect actually meant...Cause I thought that maybe I was thinking about things all wrong...

Conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

Excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

Entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

Accurate, exact, or correct in every detail

Exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

Don't believe me? Dictionary.reference.com, type in perfect...I swear I copied it right from there....

Stop for a few moments, read that again. Let those words flow over you... They are nothing you have to work for, nothing you have to work to prove. You are God's daughter and He sees you as perfect. Perfect is not something that we earn, not something we try to achieve through our beauty, our academics, our sports, and our weight. Perfection is given by God the second that you were thought of... thousands of years ago.

That means, if perfection was given to you way back then, nothing you do now could change that.

It was given without you working for it. Before you were even born and knew what it meant to be perfect. God formed you. And why would God waste His time on making something that was not perfect?

You are the definition of the ideal type. You are excellent beyond improvement. You have no flaw, no defect, and no shortcomings. You are correct and accurate in every detail.

The definition that gets me the most is:

You are exactly fitting the need for a certain purpose.

You have a purpose. You were created in fine detail with no flaw, not needing to add anything. You are perfect.

Say it in the mirror with your name...

Chiarra is the definition of the ideal type. Sophia is excellent beyond improvement. Nicole has no flaw or shortcoming. Jessi is accurate in every detail. You are exactly fitting a purpose.

 So stop trying to work for it.

Walk with God.

Allow Him perfect that which concerns you.

See that He created you perfect and that is how He sees you now.

#ProjectYouArePerfect

Meet Addrianna

Bald is beautiful.

 

 That's how all this madness started. My baby sister, my youth pastors' daughter, and I were all very fed up with the way society advertised beauty and the desire to achieve it. Anorexia, bulimia, self hate, suicide, and absolutely no sense of self worth were and still are some results of not fulfilling society's "beauty standards."

The three of us got to together and contemplated for months what to do about this. What would make a statement, make people question and realize how AMAZING they are, not only to us, but to God. My youth pastors' daughter said with confidence that we should shave our heads. Being a victim of self hate, and having no sense of self worth at the time, I had a real struggle with this. I held confidence in my hair, make up, and 90 pound body as a sophomore in high school. I prayed long and hard and the three of us decided to go through with it.

 

 

As I sat in the chair and my aunt shaved my head, I felt my confidence fall of my body and into my soul.

 

 

The journey doesn't end there, we promoted the idea! We told all the people we could! We took it to the public schools, to home school groups, our church, our friends and random strangers. We told every human we got the chance to talk to how amazing and beautiful they were made! Their beauty lied within not on their face or body. Still, the fight goes on. We still promote true beauty! We leave sticky notes on bathroom mirrors and push as many buttons with society as we can to get our message across!

 

#ProjectYouAreBeautiful

Hope in the eyes of Haiti...

Disclaimer, the content of this post might be a little graphic and emotionally deep for younger audiences. Please use discretion before reading.

For those who did not know, I recently got back from Haiti. And I can't tell you how much it changed everything! All that I hold dear is no longer as important to me. All my problems and things that I let consume my mind are a distant memory to me now. When you see people living in such poverty yet raise their hands and still praise God, you won't ever be able to to look at life the same.

How much do you really know about hope? And how much does it truly affect you daily? Does hope consume your mind, does it change how you feel about the world? Does it transform your vision? Does it create light in your heart and joy in your soul?

Hope is something that lights up every aspect of your face, it is something that brightens your smile and leaves you glowing. Hope is something you can't explain to others, it is something that is shown through everything that you do and are.

Hope.

Hope is beautiful.

And there is hope in Haiti.

In the place you least expect hope you will find it stronger than ever.

Haiti is a beautiful country, full of warm and welcoming people, villages of children that will melt your heart. But Haiti is also lost. It is a country overtaken with voodoo and witchcraft, where your sacrifices to the witch are more important than food in your child's belly. It is a place that I could not leave without being heartbroken.

I often wondered while I was there, where the little girls I was holding would end up in three or four years... What would happen if their parents hit hard times and had to sell them into sex slavery to pay debts? Or worse yet, what if they felt that was the only way that their child could have a decent life?

What would you do if you were a little kid, living in a place ridden with trash and bugs and destroyed from an earthquake, where one little scrape could kill you literally, wondering where your next meal was coming from, and wondering what happened to mommy and daddy, why these strange men were beating you tonight when just yesterday you were playing in the village? You have no idea why you were abandoned and you have no where to go. There is no government to put you into any kind of home, no one cares if you live or die. You are simply another body breathing and taking up space and air and food. All you are wanted for is your body, every night beaten into submission until you are nothing more than a skeleton laying on the bed waiting for the next man to rip your little body to shreds.

Now imagine being a teenage girl about 15 and not having a period for a few months, not knowing whether or not you will live through childbirth. Half of the time it is either the mom or the kid who dies in childbirth if not both. Imagine not knowing who the father is, or worse yet him having nothing to do with you. You not only have to provide for a baby with at most a dollar a day in salary, if you even are lucky enough to have a job, but you also have to find a place to raise a child. You are scared, homeless, and alone. And there is no one to help. No shelter you can go to, no crisis pregnancy center, no financial aid, no food stamps. You have signed the death certificate of your child before you even sign the birth certificate. Can you imagine how that would feel? You are invisible and you are alone. You have nothing to give you hope.

Now look at your life right where it is at. Your problems probably and hopefully seem very small to you now. When I was in Haiti I had no access to drama AKA Facebook and Twitter. I did not even turn my phone on for a week. You want to know what I found? The less I was consumed with myself, the more my eyes were opened to other people and the hurts that they were going through. The more that I focused on others and not on my own issues, the more that mine paled in comparison. Not that what I was going through wasn't an issue to me or it still did not need to be dealt with, but it wasn't consuming. I could look at my life and see the bigger picture beyond my temporary frustration.

As I was holding a little girl by the name of Francesca,  I felt my heart beat in a way that it never had beaten before. I felt it beat to the pain and heartache of another.

I felt her life and her past just throb in my arms, I wanted to weep at her joy even though she was lighter than a 3 year old when she was probably close to 10 or 11. I wanted to hold her and love her, pour everything that I was into her frail little body, covered with nothing more than a thin t-shirt with holes. Her smile made my life seem so frivolous and ridiculous, all my worries and cares seem absolutely absurd. Her joy and her laughter made me see that I was but a fleeting breath, placed here for such a time as this. I have the opportunity to do so much for people and yet I do nothing.

As I told Francesca goodbye, my heart stayed with her. My love stayed with her. I miss her more than I would I miss my arm if it was cut off.

While in the midst of unthinkable poverty and destruction, the people of Haiti still have hope. They hope in a God that is bigger than we as Americans imagine Him to be. They hope in a God who does miracles and heals the sick and raises the dead to life. They put their hope in a God even when they have nothing to prove that He is there. They put their faith in the fact that when they pray, it will happen. It may not be today or tomorrow, but God will show up. They never lose their faith in God, they never lose hope. That hope is spreading from a few people in Haiti to everyone. That hope is contagious and it is growing, despite the grim circumstances that would put any of us here in despair. They have hope in God because He is all that they have and all that they need.

So I want to challenge you, put down your phone for a day and tune into people's lives for real. Take time to look into people's eyes, ask how they are, and truly listen. Take your siblings to the park and play with them, cherish the fact that they are healthy and have the ability to smile and laugh and run.

Learn from the kids and people in Haiti, have hope in even your darkest times. Smile when you are hungry, pray when you need help, and find joy and laughter in the smallest things in life. Give hope. You have been given so much in this life, stop complaining and realize that you have every reason to have hope.

Your life is but a breath. And you are more than blessed.

#ProjectYouAreHope

A Jewel

 

Dear Love, You suck.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I love love. Honestly I do. I love being loved and I love loving. I seriously loved being a girlfriend when I was one, all the sweet letters I would write, cute things I could make, all the hearts that I could draw all over everything. I think that is why I want a relationship soooo badly sometimes. I want to love someone. I want to give them all of my heart and effort.

 

When you love someone, it is frustrating when they only return their efforts 50% of what you give. I get so upset when I feel like I am doing everything I can and the other person is not returning the effort. Relationships have ebbs and flows, times when you are empty and can't give and times that you are overflowing. It isn't going to be easy all the time but when the other person is always taking and never giving back to you, things can get hurtful.

 

What happens when we give extraordinary amounts of love and forgiveness to someone and they take advantage of it? They abuse the fact that you will always forgive them and they hurt you on purpose. That is extremely immature and they are wasting a beautiful treasure of your love on their own stupidity. It is unhealthy and you have every right to stand up for yourself and say "I love you but I will not allow myself to be walked all over. Treat me right or please do not be apart of my life." That is a completely healthy and mature way to handle things.

 

You see, if we water a garden of weeds, what are we going to get? More weeds.

 

If we water a garden of roses bushes, what will we get? Yeah we may get a few weeds and a few thorns, but the beauty of the roses will far outweigh the occasional thorn.

 

You must water your garden of roses and stop watering your garden of weeds. Take time to pour into the people who are healthy, who bring you up, love you no matter what, who care for your heart and don't want to hurt you in the same way that you do not want to hurt them... Stop watering the weeds in your life who have no care for your heart and beauty.

 

Over the weekend I had a wonderful conversation with my dad. I rarely tell my dad about my problems because I don't want to bother him and he is really busy a lot of the time. I assume that because he is in the middle of things that he won't want to sit down and talk to me (which is so far from the truth!).

 

My dad is a fantastic dude. I am sorry for everyone who does not have a dad just like him.

 

I was telling my dad about how frustrated I was with being mistreated. I give my love and I get stabbed in the back in return, and it was killing me. I was crying so hard. I was so frustrated and hurt and betrayed. We talked for a long time and I will tell you more of our conversation maybe in a later post, but he spoke such healing words to me.

 

My dad told me that one day a man would come along and he would see the jewel of my heart and be so amazed. He will be blown away by the fact that a woman like me exists, so much that he won't know what to do. He will want to protect and love every part of me. Whoever sees the beauty of my heart will never understand why anyone let me go. He will fight for me, fight to be around me, fight to love me, fight to protect me.

 

My dad told me that he was proud of me and that I was worth far more than I knew.

 

You see, you are a jewel. And your love is something to be treasured. You are someone who a man is going to fall all over. He is going to take one look at you and your heart and be starstruck. He will take care of you and do everything that he can to avoid hurting you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He will treasure and value you.

 

And until that time, God is willing to sit at the door of your heart and keep out anyone who will not treasure your beauty and strength. You are a delicate flower, not meant to be trampled on but to inspire beauty and awe and power. You are a jewel, the only one who is as beautiful as you.

 

.

 

#ProjectYouAreAJewel

 

 

Mine ((Part 3))

Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you been used, abused, taken advantage of? Has your life been harder than it should have been for your age? Have you ever gone through hell? Do you have demons that still haunt you every night, making you remember your dirty shame? Do you feel worthless? Are there faces that come to mind of people who have completely destroyed you in the past, caused wounds and scars that you are still trying to heal?

 

If you are older than 2 years old, you can say yes to any of the questions above. Unless of course you have lived your life in a stone tower far above any civilization or interaction with people. Which I guess is possible but if that is true then I am jealous of your hair.

 

Everyone in life has taken some heavy blows. Ones that we do not deserve, ones that knock us down, break our hearts.

 

And the thing about life is, the worse that we get hurt the less likely it is that we will get an apology.

 

I have been run over by so many people in my life, people who will never apologize or take responsibility. I have been beaten down, bruised, and knocked out. And I carry those scars.

 

But one night, during worship at church, God broke through some chains. Remember my first post about being God's (if not go read it really fast so this makes sense :) )? God introduces us to everyone saying, "She is Mine."

 

While I was worshipping, God took me by the waist and He took me in my mind to painful things in my past; ex-boyfriends, best friends, people who betrayed me, situations that I had run from, things that had scarred me for life. And as we stepped up to each event in my life, God introduced me to either that person or that situation and said, "She is Mine."

 

He told my ex-lovers, "She is Mine."

He told my memory of feeling worthless and invisible, "She is Mine."

He told my scars of people constantly using and abusing me, "She is Mine."

He told my little girl self who was still crying in the closet, "She is Mine."

 

He spoke those words and no longer did those things have power over me. No longer did those scars pierce me any further, no longer did those who hate me have any control. He spoke belonging and freedom into the very depths of my broken heart.

 

 

 

Ask Him to take you on a journey of your past, ask Him to walk you up to everything that has hurt you and invite Him to introduce you as, "She is Mine." Please feel free to share your story of this journey below if you feel comfortable.

#ProjectYouAreHis

 

 



Mine ((Part 2))

Puppy love.

Infatuation.

Amore.

Crush.

Affection.

Cupid.

Fascination.

Lust.

Addiction.

 

We are addicted to love.

 

Why do you think that there are "chick-flicks" and romance novels? Why do fairy tales exist?

 

Because we are in love with love.

 

We want to be romanced. We want to be in love. We want to have a love story that we can tell to our grandchildren.

 

We desire love.

 

And that is the way that we are made. And it is beautiful. God loves that. He made us to need and crave love. He made us to want to be loved.

 

But the thing about love is, it never satisfies us completely. Puppy love always wears off. That honeymoon phase wears off, and you end up with a broken heart and extremely unhappy. So you try it again and again, looking for love anywhere that you can get it. Why? Cause you have a hole that needs to filled.

 

Love can only give us so much. And that is also how we were made.

 

God made us to be unsatisfied with love from men. He made us to desire more and want more.

 

Why?

 

Because He wants to say, "She is Mine."

 

He wants to fill our hearts, He wants to romance us, He wants to fill us. He wants to hold us when we hurt, He wants to care for us when we are broken, He wants to fill every part of us. He wants to be in love with you, He wants to show you how madly, passionately, and fiercely that He loves you. He wants to take your hand and lead you to the dance floor.

 

He wants to dance with you. He wants to love you, to kiss you, to make you see your beauty.

 

He desires to say when He looks at you, "She is Mine."



He wants you to be His bride, His lover, His wife, His best friend.... He wants You.

 

All He wants to do is for you to let Him love you. Let Him romance you, let Him be passionate about you. You will fall in love with Him. You will dance in His arms and never want to leave. You will feel His strength.

 

When you fall in love with God, His love will satisfy you to the deepest core. And when His love satisfies you, you will be able to love someone on earth and be content with human love.

 

 

Only God can fill the love hole that He created.

 



 

 

 

#ProjectYouAreHisLover

 

 

Mine ((Part 1))

Sometimes girls like to be shown off. I mean come on, I don't know a single lady who would not love to be introduced to everyone by a hot man with his arm around her waist.

 

Imagine it with me, you walk into a room of strangers, dazed and confused. Suddenly, your boyfriend/husband/guy-friend/brother/dad/etc. walks over to greet you and says hello. That familiar face puts you at ease and helps you find your place again. Then he excitedly says, "Come on I want to introduce you to my friends!!"

 

I don't know if this has happened to you before but have you ever been in the situation where you are being introduced and you are completely excluded? The guy says, "Hey this is Chiarra," and then starts talking with his friend about some sport that you know nothing about, or the last level in that video game they were playing last night. It is really easy to fade into the background at that point. I, most times, just end up walking away, unnoticed, uncomfortable, and not missed.

 

Imagine though if you were the center of the conversation. Imagine being introduced to his friends and then he sits there and tells them everything that he can think of about you. "Chiarra loves spaghetti, seriously one time she ate a whole pan full." "Chiarra is the most tender, caring person I know, one time she came and took care of me while I was sick." "There was one time when Chiarra and I..." Okay you get the picture...They make sure that the other person loves you as much as they do by the time that they are done. They show you off to the world, showcasing your every beautiful characteristic... Drawing attention to you.

 

 

This might be a little extreme but you get the picture...

 

Every girl wants to feel important and loved. And they should feel that way. Everyday. It boosts a girl's self-esteem to know that she is worth being bragged about.

Did you know that is how God is with us?

He takes us around in every situation and says to every person, "Hey, have you met her? She is Mine. Isn't she the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen?"

He takes you by the hand and says, "You are Mine. Let me show you off to the world!!"

Stay tuned for my next couple blogs about what exactly it means to be called, "Mine."

#ProjectYouAreMine

 

 

 



Loved

Do you ever feel alone? Do you ever empty? Worn down? Disappointed? Hurt?

Do you feel like no one sees those feelings? Do you feel like you ache alone?

As women we have been taught to be alone, do things by ourselves, and to not need help and cannot rely on love.

Yet there is a longing in our soul to be seen and heard. There is a longing to be loved, even in our pain. We desire to be desired. We want to be visible and noticed.

Ephesians 3:17b-19 (Emphasis mine) "...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

How can we be filled to the point that we are at the same level with the fullness of God? I don't know about you but I have NEVER felt that full of love. I have never experienced that kind of love.

I have seen the love that expects you to be happy, that doesn't want you to have needs, the love that only lasts when things are good, love based on performance, love that was given only after I had emptied everything I had on them.

God saw everything. God saw when I was wounded, He sees when I am alone. He loves me when my soul is dry. He loves me when I run. His love reaches to the depth of the ocean where I have long since buried my heart.

God never took His eyes off of you.

God loves you.

Not the kind of mass, God loves everyone, stuff.

It is just as if I was saying Jonny loves you, or George is mad about you.

God is mad about you.

It is individual. Specifically for you.

He desires to fill you with His love.

No matter how far you run, how long you hide, how much you fall away.....

God can run faster, He will wait for you till the end of eternity, and His love reaches from East to West. There is no height too high, no depth to low, no distance too long for Him.

God is in love with you.

 

 

#ProjectYouAreLoved

 

 

 

Just like you

All our lives we live in the pressure of this question, Am I beautiful?

 

I know I talk a lot about this question and what it means to me.

 

But I want you to know that I am working through the answer myself.

 

See, I have hid this question inside my soul, never letting it come out because quite honestly, I am scared of the answer.

 

You see all my life I have lived under the shadow of Disney princesses and Barbie. Now, don't get me wrong, I love all these women! I think that princesses stir and keep alive a dying desire in girls to be treasured and Barbie presents a strong and independent woman.

 

But, these images are always perfect! They are always wearing makeup. They are always holding themselves to such high fashion standards. Even Cinderella's rags are prettier than my sweats and messy bun. Have you ever tried to do your hair like a Disney princess? Impossible.

 

Today on my Twitter I went off on myself. It started with, "I need to stop comparing myself to other girls. I always feel too much of everything bad next to any girl. #smh #depressing"

 

Is that you? Do you stand next to a pretty girl and think of everything that you are not and that she is? Do you compared your talents and every area that you fall short to every thing that she excels in? "Like hello, you are beautiful, why can't I be like you?? Or you are really close to God, I'm not as good as you... #needtostop #honesty"

 

Or maybe you see the girl who has guys literally FALLING on their feet. Personally, I always find a reason to hate those girls...but secretly I try to be just like them. "Or that guy likes you so I am going to dress and act just like you so he will notice me. Forget the fact, that I can't fit in your skin. :/"

 

 

My final tweet sums it all up:

 "I turn to hating girls who are pretty cause it is easier than facing my own insecurities."

If you are pretty, you are on my hit list. I look for every flaw in you that I can find. If you are nice and sweet and gentle, I hate you inwardly. If you have a lot of friends and seem to have every one's attention, I can't bear to share the light with you.

 

I have never had a weight problem, unless you count being so skinny that you get made fun of for it, chicken legs was a personal wound for me. I would love to tell you that being skinny is great. But it sucks. Whatever way that you are, skinny, ugly, pretty, smart, dumb, everything, you will get made fun of for it? Why?

 

Cause girls are insecure. And the best way to hide that insecurity is put others down lower than how low they already feel.

 

And I am guilty.

 

So here I am. I am opening up the dirty nitty gritty of my "Burn Book" to you. I am telling you that if you are more loving, prettier, more fit, smarter, a dude magnet, or anything that I do not have, I have inwardly disliked you. I have not celebrated the fact that God gave you a beautiful voice, or a wonderful inviting gorgeous face or the fact that you can make everyone laugh.

 

And for that I am eternally sorry. As all girls should be.

 

We should be celebrating our differences, bringing each other up, building the other's confidence level. Instead of saying, oh I wish I was more like you, tell yourself that you make the most perfect you and no one could be a better one.

 

 

The more that we chase those who we wish we were, the more that we lose who we were supposed to be.

 

 

I am exposing lies. I am calling us to a higher level. I am asking for you to embrace the fact that you are a beautiful you. That no one is better than you, and you aren't better than anyone else.

 

Be you :)

 

#ProjectYouAreJustLikeYou

 

 

Real

Sometimes I just want to scream. Okay, yeah so maybe that is a little weird. But sometimes I get so overwhelmed with life that I can't breathe. I want to let it out, I want to get it off my chest.

I just want sometimes to expose my shame so that I can be free from it.

Christ said that if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I don't know about you but I have really screwed up my life in the past. I have made some mistakes that I want NO one to know about. I want to hide them. Put them under the carpet. Don't air my dirty laundry. I am just going to put it in a laundry basket and hope it disappears.

Oh yeah, cause that's healthy. *sarcasm*

I hate hate hate prefection. I hate feeling like I have to be perfect all the freaking time. Sometime I wish that I felt like I could walk in and be crying and real and be accepted. But instead it unacceptable. You can have feelings but you better control them and not show them.

Ever felt that way?

I thought so.

So here it goes, I am going to air my dirty laundry. I am going to put myself out there. I am going to be real.

I am broken. I am not doing well. I cry almost every night. I can't sleep because of the demons that haunt me. My past mistakes, my shame, everything that I try to keep in the closet, it all comes out at night when no one is around. I am overwhelmed. I am barely holding on sometimes. At times the weight of the burden I carry, nearly crushes me.

The past should be the past. But the past lives in my room at night, coming out to laugh at me. He haunts me with: what if you had not messed up, what if you had made better choices, what if you weren't so stupid....

I am a broken window. All I see from the inside is a warped and indistinguishable light, I can't see the world but what it is. I see cracks and bits and portions of the whole picture. From the inside looking
out, I am a complete mess.

I can't find the strength to punch Mr. Past in the face, pick up the gun of forgiveness and shoot him with it. Because if I forgive Mr. Past, I must also forgive myself. I have to look at myself and realize that I am more than the sum of my mistakes. I have more to offer the world than my broken heart. I have to say to myself, "You messed up and it is okay. I forgive you."

So right now, I am broken. I am empty. I have nothing left. I am at the end of the rope.

Psalms 143:3-4 & 11

"For the enemy has persecuted my soul;

He has crushed my life to the ground;

He has made me dwell in darkness,

Like those who have long been dead.

 Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;

My heart within me is distressed.

Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake!
For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble."

 



I thank God everyday that He does not let my story end there. I thank Him that He does not leave my soul in darkness. I thank God that every morning His mercies are new to me. I thank God that He pursues me even when I have nothing left to give. I thank God that He uses the broken messed up Chiarra.

I think that God loves that I am broken. Now don't take that the wrong way, He doesn't love the pain that I am in, He cries with me, He wants to carry my burden for me. But He loves that I have nothing to give. I can take no credit for what He does through my brokeness. I have nothing and yet He is still working in me.

 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 

We are being broken so that we can be used through His strength. When you are going through hard times, hold on. You don't have to be okay all the time. You don't have to have it all together. You can be broken. Because it is in our suffering, our pain, our cries, that He can come and save us. And when we know that He is the only one that could have saved us, we can take no credit for it.

 

God doesn't judge you on how much you hurt, He doesn't say that you are not close to Him if you are going through a tough time. It is okay to be in pain, it is okay to be broken. God loves when He can hold your broken heart. He loves being your strength. Don't hide the fact that you are hurting, use it to boast in the love of God. Be real with yourself and those around you and watch God shine through you.

 

While all that we can see is a warped version of light and the outside world, God sees this when He looks in at us.

 

 

 

#ProjectYouAreReal

 

Wanted

I don't know about you but when I think of being wanted this is the first thing that comes to my mind:

 

 

Tangled is my favorite movie of all time. It is a movie of forgiveness and healing from a terrible past. I commend Rapunzel and Eugene on their bravery. Not only did they face the hard truth about themselves, they also faced their past, came face to face with their fear, and chose to deal with the truth of who they are instead of run from their destiny.

 

They wanted each other. They never gave up on each other. They fought until the end for their love. Rapunzel was willing to sacrifice her life and happiness to save Eugene. Instead, Eugene gave himself to save her. He never once hesitated, knowing that he would die. By cutting Rapunzel's hair off, Eugene laid down his life and any hope of healing. Yes, he was still healed in the end and yes, they did live happily ever after....But he did not know that would happen until after he has died.

 

 

 

And funny thing is God wants you the same way. As cliche as it sounds, God wants you. He willingly laid His Son in death's hands and said, "Here, take him instead of her." Never once did He hesitate or hold back His love.

 

You are wanted.

 

God wants to have a fairytale with you, He wants to lay down His life to save you. He wants to live happily ever after with you. The Creator of everything wants you to be His own. His princess, His bride, His love...

 

 

 

#ProjectYouAreWanted



His

My Dear Beautiful Girl, My Princess,

 

Oh the fact that you are Mine is mind blowing. You are so breathtaking I cannot even begin to express it. Every time that you look My way, My heart stops. I cannot breathe when you are thinking about Me, talking to Me, pouring your heart out to Me.

Oh My love, when you talk to Me and tell Me all of your problems, everything that is on your mind, share your deepest heart, it sends tingles of joy down My spine. I yearn to be there to comfort you, love you, and make you feel worthy. I yearn to heal your heart and show you My deep love.

I do not think that you understand how deep My love for you goes. I would do anything for you. I have died for you and I would do it again. I would move heaven and earth just so that you know that I love you. I have taken everything that you have ever done wrong and gotten rid of it. I have washed it away in a sea so deep that you couldn't find your imperfections if you tried. You are perfect to Me.

I have watched you grow into the beautiful woman that I see now, and I am truly blown away. You have learned so much from your experiences. I have been there the whole time. When your parents were fighting, I was sitting there holding you. When you were forced to grow up too young, I was there, angry that you had to suffer that burden. When your heart was broken, every time I sat there and wept. I don't know if you could hear My voice through My tears but I was saying, "I am so sorry. This is not what I had planned for you." I want to shelter you from everything because I love you that much.

But I know that you need to grow and mature. And I pray that you run to Me when you feel that you can't bear it. I will take your burden when you are being crushed. I promise I will not walk out on you. I don't care how many times that you push me out, I will stand there and wait for you to call Me back in. I will climb your every wall just to be close to you.

 

I love you.

So right now, when I feel like I am a million miles away and My heart is breaking because you are distant, I beg you to read this. Read this and remember that I am here. I am simply a call away. I can hold you, I can love you, I can banish the pain away forever. Please just cry and let Me catch every tear and keep it safe. I want to be there with you through everything. My arms are always open, no matter how many times that you have walked away or been angry at Me. I am here, still waiting to love you.

You are Mine. And I am yours.

Love,

Your Prince

Your Lover

Your Savior

 

 

 

#ProjectYouAreHis

 

 

For the Warriors

 

Do you have what it takes?

 

 

For centuries men have been asking the question, "Am I strong enough, am I manly enough, do I have what it takes?" This is the reason that men want to find adventure, they want a cause to live for in their life, they find everything they can to make them feel like they measure up to a man. They are searching for the answer to this question. If a man is not displaying his full potential, then he has not had the question answered, "Do I have what it takes?"

Now am I saying that every man must go to war and fight? Am I saying that every man must hunt, and shoot, and play sports? No. Not at all. Am I saying that men are less manly if they play the piano, or sing, or can cook and clean? Am I saying that men have no worth if they would rather read a book than go and hike a mountain? Not in the very least!!!

 

But I am saying, something in the heart of every man yearns for adventure. They yearn to know that they have what it takes, that they are strong enough to accomplish their greatest goals. That they are man enough to snag a beautiful woman and fight the battles in front of him.

 

Men long to fight for a woman. They are drawn by the beauty and desire to make it their own. A woman is irresistible to a man. And that is a fantastic and beautiful thing.

 

You see, men, you are our strength, you are our protectors, you are our rock, our warrior. You fight for the woman, standing in the gap for us, protecting us in battle, both spiritually, physically, and emotionally. And in return, women are created to offer our love, support, and beauty in return. We can be your helper, the warrior at your side, fighting for you in return. We are meant to be at your side, caring for you and loving you.

 

Coming from a woman, the greatest men are not the ones who can bench press the most, or can beat everyone up. The greatest example of a man is the one who opens the door, rushes to relieve you of the heavy package, who cleans off your car in the snow, who offers his arm to steady your step. It is the man who notices when a woman has a need and rushes in to help her.

 

When men take care and concern for a woman's well being, it is an overwhelming breath of fresh air.

 

Not to brag on my friends or anything, but I do want to point out and thank the men in my life who have taken care of me in a way that blessed me like none other.

The first time that my good guy friend walked me to my car in the dark parking lot so that I would be safe, I wanted to cry and thank him until the end of the earth... Just him taking that extra 2 minutes to make sure that I was safe, made this little heart of mine truly overcome with gratefulness. Not only did my wonderful friend continue to walk me out every week after that, he also continued to fulfill the part in me that yearns for protection.

I can remember when it had snowed a lot and I was going to see Les Miserables with a good friend of mine. As we were walking into the movie theater, joking around and having fun like always, we reached a spot of snow that was pretty deep. As I prepared to walk through it, my friend asked if I was ready? I was slightly confused as to what he was talking about and his response was simply to pick me up and carry me through the snow.

Another time that I remember is it was freezing outside, I was driving home with a friend, in a new town, and I needed gas. As we got to a gas station my friend asked if I wanted him to pump my gas for me. I was completely blown away by this is display of care and concern.

And while I am bragging, I must brag on my father and my brother! My father has done a fantastic job of instilling in my brother the desire to protect women. My father not only cleans my car when it snows, he also protects my heart. I remember when I had my first experience with a break-up, my father simply held me and told me that I was worth being fought for, that I was worthy of a great man. Not only is my father a great man, he has made my brother a great man as well. When I am upset and crying, all I have to do is go to my brother and with his tender heart he just holds me. After I am finished crying he always asks me if he needs to get out his weapon collection... He is willing to fight for both my heart and for me physically.

 

There are a million more examples of great men in my life that have taken care of me, who have stepped in to protect and offer me strength.

 

This is what a man is able to do. When I, as a woman, feels like a man is there to protect me, I blossom. A woman's beauty can bloom and explode amidst of strength and protection. While in the presence of a warrior, a woman's heart can truly offer its beauty.

 

This is not to say that a man has to be protecting a woman to be a man, or a woman cannot be beautiful if a man is not protecting her. A man standing up for a woman and a woman being beautiful in that presence, is simply an overflow of having the answers to the questions that are inside our soul.

 

A woman asks, "Am I lovely, am I worthy to be fought for?"

A man asks, "Do I have what it takes, am I strong enough?"

 

If those questions were never answered for you, I strongly suggest that you search out those answers from the Lord. Do not go looking for the answers in human beings, look for the answer in God.

 

Men, God thinks that you are great and mighty warriors. Even if you feel like you are not ever going to be good enough, or you could never amount to anything, God has instilled in you what it takes already.

 

Just look at what He said to Gideon through an angel,"The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!"

 

Do not be afraid of your adventure and your calling. God has placed in you might and valor and strength. He has equipped you with what you are going to need already. He says to you....

 

"Son, You have exactly what it takes to destroy whatever comes against you, you have the strength to fight every battle, you are a true man of influence and power. You are My Warrior, created to fight in My battles and be victorious."

 

#ProjectYouAreAWarrior

 

 

Seen

 

You are not invisible…

 

Now, you may be saying, well apparently you really don’t know me. I am invisible. Chiarra, the pain behind my eyes hasn’t been seen since it was put there. No one cares.

 

I have been there. For years I felt invisible. And if we are being honest here, I still feel invisible a lot of the time. I wonder how many times people have truly looked into my eyes and seen the depth behind them. I always wonder if people really stopped would they see anything besides the mask of perfection that I have put up?

 
 

Would you ever think when you look at me that I struggle daily? I don’t think that you would. I have perfected the art of masking my emotion. I am put together. No one knows when I am in pain, or insecure, or falling apart. No one knows. And why? I don’t know why. All I know is that I have been “perfect” for far too long.

 

And it has made me feel invisible. Because people only look at my perfection. They do not bother to look behind my eyes into the depth of my soul. They don’t see the little girl sitting there wishing for a comforting hug just so she feels safe. You will never see the middle school girl that is screaming for someone to notice that she was dying on the inside. If you look into my eyes, will you see how tired and exhausted I am, how life has taken its toll on me? I don’t think so. Because I am a professional at making people believe that I am fine, so I become invisible because I am fine.

 

This is my vulnerability. This is me putting myself on the line and saying that I am not perfect. This is me saying that my life is not the Barbie doll life that people think I have. This is me saying that I feel invisible.

 

But this is me also saying that I don’t need to be seen. I do not need to be seen to know I am loved.

 

You see, in the midst of everything that I have gone through, I have realized that there was someone watching my pain the whole time. Someone who was crying when I was crying, Someone whose heart broke when I was heartbroken, Someone who saw everything, Who still sees everything.

 

He was sitting there with me on my darkest nights. When I felt invisible he was comforting me saying, “This is not what I want for you, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am sorry for your pain and I wish that I could take it. I see you and I see that you are breaking apart and it breaks me. I am sorry.” He was weeping as He held me, telling me that He saw me.

 

I do not need to be seen by those around me, I am seen by my Heavenly Father. I am seen by my Creator, who weeps when I weep, who allows me to be broken. He is okay when I am not perfect. In fact it is His greatest delight for me not to be perfect. That is why He sent me His Son. Because He wanted me to know that He loved me so much that He was willing to lay everything out on the line to get me.

 

God risked it all on us. He risked the fact that we may never come to Him. We may never realize that God was there the whole time that we were hurting. We may never except His love. Yet He still risked it on us. God sees our need for Him. He sees everything about us.

 

We are seen. We are not invisible. Everything about us is visible to a God who loves every little piece of us. You, my darling, are seen and cared for by a wonderful God who is calling your name. He is saying, “My love, let me take care of all of the parts of your heart that others can’t see.”

 

#ProjectYouAreSeen

 

 

 

Chased

 

 

 

Here I am.

 

A little girl again.

And I am running.

I am in a forest.

And it is dark and cold and miserable.

I am lost.

I am afraid.

I am crying.

 

All I want is to be found.

All I want to be cherished.

All I want is to be picked up.

To hear my name and go running.

I dream of being found.

I want to be seen.

I want to know that I mean something.

 

I am chasing.

What am I chasing you ask.

I don't know.

I am chasing after someone I don't even know.

Chasing after a warmth that my little heart,

Has never even felt.

I am chasing a love that I can barely comprehend.

 

I don't know what security feels like.

I don't know what freedom feels like.

I am chained to my pain.

I am condemned to be a wanderer.

I am bruised, shaken, and torn.

I am broken.

I am lost.

 

Then in a moment, I realize that I am not alone.

I am standing here in the darkness, crying.

And I feel light touch my heart.

I hear a voice but I look around,

And no one is there.

Yet I feel my heart lift.

I have been noticed.

 

Not only have I been noticed,

But I have been found.

He took my hand and drew me in.

He wiped away my tears, my fears, my shame.

He said to me,

"My daughter, here you are.

I have been looking for you all this time."

 

Suddenly the chaser becomes the chased.

Suddenly the broken becomes the blessed.

The downtrodden becomes victorious.

The lost becomes found.

The invisible is set on fire.

The little girl is swept off her feet.

She was chased until she was found.

 

And she is worthy.

She is loved.

She is important.

She is beautiful.

She is not ashamed.

She does not hide her face.

She is Chased.

 

God wrote us a beautiful love story that many people cannot comprehend. He wrote us a story of passion and pursuit. Imagine that for a moment. Imagine that God is pursuing you. He is seeking you out. He wants to know your name.

 

It doesn't matter what you have done, or who you have become. It doesn't matter how lost you feel, or how desperate that you are. God pursues you. He wants to find you.

 

Eve messed up. And she was scared. The weight of the world was on her shoulders. She had disobeyed God. She was shame itself. She hid from God, no longer feeling worthy of His presence. Yet, God asked Eve where she was. In the midst of her shame and regret, God asked where Eve was. God wanted to be around her, still wanted her presence.

 

God is chasing after you. God is yearning to show you His love. To sweep you off your feet. To find you. To love you. To make you feel worthy again.

 

#ProjectYouAreChased