A Jewel

 

Dear Love, You suck.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I love love. Honestly I do. I love being loved and I love loving. I seriously loved being a girlfriend when I was one, all the sweet letters I would write, cute things I could make, all the hearts that I could draw all over everything. I think that is why I want a relationship soooo badly sometimes. I want to love someone. I want to give them all of my heart and effort.

 

When you love someone, it is frustrating when they only return their efforts 50% of what you give. I get so upset when I feel like I am doing everything I can and the other person is not returning the effort. Relationships have ebbs and flows, times when you are empty and can't give and times that you are overflowing. It isn't going to be easy all the time but when the other person is always taking and never giving back to you, things can get hurtful.

 

What happens when we give extraordinary amounts of love and forgiveness to someone and they take advantage of it? They abuse the fact that you will always forgive them and they hurt you on purpose. That is extremely immature and they are wasting a beautiful treasure of your love on their own stupidity. It is unhealthy and you have every right to stand up for yourself and say "I love you but I will not allow myself to be walked all over. Treat me right or please do not be apart of my life." That is a completely healthy and mature way to handle things.

 

You see, if we water a garden of weeds, what are we going to get? More weeds.

 

If we water a garden of roses bushes, what will we get? Yeah we may get a few weeds and a few thorns, but the beauty of the roses will far outweigh the occasional thorn.

 

You must water your garden of roses and stop watering your garden of weeds. Take time to pour into the people who are healthy, who bring you up, love you no matter what, who care for your heart and don't want to hurt you in the same way that you do not want to hurt them... Stop watering the weeds in your life who have no care for your heart and beauty.

 

Over the weekend I had a wonderful conversation with my dad. I rarely tell my dad about my problems because I don't want to bother him and he is really busy a lot of the time. I assume that because he is in the middle of things that he won't want to sit down and talk to me (which is so far from the truth!).

 

My dad is a fantastic dude. I am sorry for everyone who does not have a dad just like him.

 

I was telling my dad about how frustrated I was with being mistreated. I give my love and I get stabbed in the back in return, and it was killing me. I was crying so hard. I was so frustrated and hurt and betrayed. We talked for a long time and I will tell you more of our conversation maybe in a later post, but he spoke such healing words to me.

 

My dad told me that one day a man would come along and he would see the jewel of my heart and be so amazed. He will be blown away by the fact that a woman like me exists, so much that he won't know what to do. He will want to protect and love every part of me. Whoever sees the beauty of my heart will never understand why anyone let me go. He will fight for me, fight to be around me, fight to love me, fight to protect me.

 

My dad told me that he was proud of me and that I was worth far more than I knew.

 

You see, you are a jewel. And your love is something to be treasured. You are someone who a man is going to fall all over. He is going to take one look at you and your heart and be starstruck. He will take care of you and do everything that he can to avoid hurting you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He will treasure and value you.

 

And until that time, God is willing to sit at the door of your heart and keep out anyone who will not treasure your beauty and strength. You are a delicate flower, not meant to be trampled on but to inspire beauty and awe and power. You are a jewel, the only one who is as beautiful as you.

 

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#ProjectYouAreAJewel

 

 

Mine ((Part 3))

Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you been used, abused, taken advantage of? Has your life been harder than it should have been for your age? Have you ever gone through hell? Do you have demons that still haunt you every night, making you remember your dirty shame? Do you feel worthless? Are there faces that come to mind of people who have completely destroyed you in the past, caused wounds and scars that you are still trying to heal?

 

If you are older than 2 years old, you can say yes to any of the questions above. Unless of course you have lived your life in a stone tower far above any civilization or interaction with people. Which I guess is possible but if that is true then I am jealous of your hair.

 

Everyone in life has taken some heavy blows. Ones that we do not deserve, ones that knock us down, break our hearts.

 

And the thing about life is, the worse that we get hurt the less likely it is that we will get an apology.

 

I have been run over by so many people in my life, people who will never apologize or take responsibility. I have been beaten down, bruised, and knocked out. And I carry those scars.

 

But one night, during worship at church, God broke through some chains. Remember my first post about being God's (if not go read it really fast so this makes sense :) )? God introduces us to everyone saying, "She is Mine."

 

While I was worshipping, God took me by the waist and He took me in my mind to painful things in my past; ex-boyfriends, best friends, people who betrayed me, situations that I had run from, things that had scarred me for life. And as we stepped up to each event in my life, God introduced me to either that person or that situation and said, "She is Mine."

 

He told my ex-lovers, "She is Mine."

He told my memory of feeling worthless and invisible, "She is Mine."

He told my scars of people constantly using and abusing me, "She is Mine."

He told my little girl self who was still crying in the closet, "She is Mine."

 

He spoke those words and no longer did those things have power over me. No longer did those scars pierce me any further, no longer did those who hate me have any control. He spoke belonging and freedom into the very depths of my broken heart.

 

 

 

Ask Him to take you on a journey of your past, ask Him to walk you up to everything that has hurt you and invite Him to introduce you as, "She is Mine." Please feel free to share your story of this journey below if you feel comfortable.

#ProjectYouAreHis

 

 



Mine ((Part 2))

Puppy love.

Infatuation.

Amore.

Crush.

Affection.

Cupid.

Fascination.

Lust.

Addiction.

 

We are addicted to love.

 

Why do you think that there are "chick-flicks" and romance novels? Why do fairy tales exist?

 

Because we are in love with love.

 

We want to be romanced. We want to be in love. We want to have a love story that we can tell to our grandchildren.

 

We desire love.

 

And that is the way that we are made. And it is beautiful. God loves that. He made us to need and crave love. He made us to want to be loved.

 

But the thing about love is, it never satisfies us completely. Puppy love always wears off. That honeymoon phase wears off, and you end up with a broken heart and extremely unhappy. So you try it again and again, looking for love anywhere that you can get it. Why? Cause you have a hole that needs to filled.

 

Love can only give us so much. And that is also how we were made.

 

God made us to be unsatisfied with love from men. He made us to desire more and want more.

 

Why?

 

Because He wants to say, "She is Mine."

 

He wants to fill our hearts, He wants to romance us, He wants to fill us. He wants to hold us when we hurt, He wants to care for us when we are broken, He wants to fill every part of us. He wants to be in love with you, He wants to show you how madly, passionately, and fiercely that He loves you. He wants to take your hand and lead you to the dance floor.

 

He wants to dance with you. He wants to love you, to kiss you, to make you see your beauty.

 

He desires to say when He looks at you, "She is Mine."



He wants you to be His bride, His lover, His wife, His best friend.... He wants You.

 

All He wants to do is for you to let Him love you. Let Him romance you, let Him be passionate about you. You will fall in love with Him. You will dance in His arms and never want to leave. You will feel His strength.

 

When you fall in love with God, His love will satisfy you to the deepest core. And when His love satisfies you, you will be able to love someone on earth and be content with human love.

 

 

Only God can fill the love hole that He created.

 



 

 

 

#ProjectYouAreHisLover

 

 

Mine ((Part 1))

Sometimes girls like to be shown off. I mean come on, I don't know a single lady who would not love to be introduced to everyone by a hot man with his arm around her waist.

 

Imagine it with me, you walk into a room of strangers, dazed and confused. Suddenly, your boyfriend/husband/guy-friend/brother/dad/etc. walks over to greet you and says hello. That familiar face puts you at ease and helps you find your place again. Then he excitedly says, "Come on I want to introduce you to my friends!!"

 

I don't know if this has happened to you before but have you ever been in the situation where you are being introduced and you are completely excluded? The guy says, "Hey this is Chiarra," and then starts talking with his friend about some sport that you know nothing about, or the last level in that video game they were playing last night. It is really easy to fade into the background at that point. I, most times, just end up walking away, unnoticed, uncomfortable, and not missed.

 

Imagine though if you were the center of the conversation. Imagine being introduced to his friends and then he sits there and tells them everything that he can think of about you. "Chiarra loves spaghetti, seriously one time she ate a whole pan full." "Chiarra is the most tender, caring person I know, one time she came and took care of me while I was sick." "There was one time when Chiarra and I..." Okay you get the picture...They make sure that the other person loves you as much as they do by the time that they are done. They show you off to the world, showcasing your every beautiful characteristic... Drawing attention to you.

 

 

This might be a little extreme but you get the picture...

 

Every girl wants to feel important and loved. And they should feel that way. Everyday. It boosts a girl's self-esteem to know that she is worth being bragged about.

Did you know that is how God is with us?

He takes us around in every situation and says to every person, "Hey, have you met her? She is Mine. Isn't she the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen?"

He takes you by the hand and says, "You are Mine. Let me show you off to the world!!"

Stay tuned for my next couple blogs about what exactly it means to be called, "Mine."

#ProjectYouAreMine

 

 

 



Loved

Do you ever feel alone? Do you ever empty? Worn down? Disappointed? Hurt?

Do you feel like no one sees those feelings? Do you feel like you ache alone?

As women we have been taught to be alone, do things by ourselves, and to not need help and cannot rely on love.

Yet there is a longing in our soul to be seen and heard. There is a longing to be loved, even in our pain. We desire to be desired. We want to be visible and noticed.

Ephesians 3:17b-19 (Emphasis mine) "...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

How can we be filled to the point that we are at the same level with the fullness of God? I don't know about you but I have NEVER felt that full of love. I have never experienced that kind of love.

I have seen the love that expects you to be happy, that doesn't want you to have needs, the love that only lasts when things are good, love based on performance, love that was given only after I had emptied everything I had on them.

God saw everything. God saw when I was wounded, He sees when I am alone. He loves me when my soul is dry. He loves me when I run. His love reaches to the depth of the ocean where I have long since buried my heart.

God never took His eyes off of you.

God loves you.

Not the kind of mass, God loves everyone, stuff.

It is just as if I was saying Jonny loves you, or George is mad about you.

God is mad about you.

It is individual. Specifically for you.

He desires to fill you with His love.

No matter how far you run, how long you hide, how much you fall away.....

God can run faster, He will wait for you till the end of eternity, and His love reaches from East to West. There is no height too high, no depth to low, no distance too long for Him.

God is in love with you.

 

 

#ProjectYouAreLoved

 

 

 

Just like you

All our lives we live in the pressure of this question, Am I beautiful?

 

I know I talk a lot about this question and what it means to me.

 

But I want you to know that I am working through the answer myself.

 

See, I have hid this question inside my soul, never letting it come out because quite honestly, I am scared of the answer.

 

You see all my life I have lived under the shadow of Disney princesses and Barbie. Now, don't get me wrong, I love all these women! I think that princesses stir and keep alive a dying desire in girls to be treasured and Barbie presents a strong and independent woman.

 

But, these images are always perfect! They are always wearing makeup. They are always holding themselves to such high fashion standards. Even Cinderella's rags are prettier than my sweats and messy bun. Have you ever tried to do your hair like a Disney princess? Impossible.

 

Today on my Twitter I went off on myself. It started with, "I need to stop comparing myself to other girls. I always feel too much of everything bad next to any girl. #smh #depressing"

 

Is that you? Do you stand next to a pretty girl and think of everything that you are not and that she is? Do you compared your talents and every area that you fall short to every thing that she excels in? "Like hello, you are beautiful, why can't I be like you?? Or you are really close to God, I'm not as good as you... #needtostop #honesty"

 

Or maybe you see the girl who has guys literally FALLING on their feet. Personally, I always find a reason to hate those girls...but secretly I try to be just like them. "Or that guy likes you so I am going to dress and act just like you so he will notice me. Forget the fact, that I can't fit in your skin. :/"

 

 

My final tweet sums it all up:

 "I turn to hating girls who are pretty cause it is easier than facing my own insecurities."

If you are pretty, you are on my hit list. I look for every flaw in you that I can find. If you are nice and sweet and gentle, I hate you inwardly. If you have a lot of friends and seem to have every one's attention, I can't bear to share the light with you.

 

I have never had a weight problem, unless you count being so skinny that you get made fun of for it, chicken legs was a personal wound for me. I would love to tell you that being skinny is great. But it sucks. Whatever way that you are, skinny, ugly, pretty, smart, dumb, everything, you will get made fun of for it? Why?

 

Cause girls are insecure. And the best way to hide that insecurity is put others down lower than how low they already feel.

 

And I am guilty.

 

So here I am. I am opening up the dirty nitty gritty of my "Burn Book" to you. I am telling you that if you are more loving, prettier, more fit, smarter, a dude magnet, or anything that I do not have, I have inwardly disliked you. I have not celebrated the fact that God gave you a beautiful voice, or a wonderful inviting gorgeous face or the fact that you can make everyone laugh.

 

And for that I am eternally sorry. As all girls should be.

 

We should be celebrating our differences, bringing each other up, building the other's confidence level. Instead of saying, oh I wish I was more like you, tell yourself that you make the most perfect you and no one could be a better one.

 

 

The more that we chase those who we wish we were, the more that we lose who we were supposed to be.

 

 

I am exposing lies. I am calling us to a higher level. I am asking for you to embrace the fact that you are a beautiful you. That no one is better than you, and you aren't better than anyone else.

 

Be you :)

 

#ProjectYouAreJustLikeYou