Who Am I? A Success.

Ever felt that the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Everyday you wake up and you feel the same thing again?

 

 

Shame and disgust.

No matter how many times you try to change, you always end up right back where you started. You make it through a day or two but you can't get any further. You end up feeling more worthless and ashamed.

And you feel further away from God because you feel like a failure.



The more you try, the harder you fall and the worse you feel afterwards. Even Paul said, I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I want to do. I can only imagine how awful Paul could have felt, leading so many people to God and still messing up.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Have you ever ran from God in shame? Eve did. She sinned and broke God's heart and thought that He couldn't possibly love her any more. She failed, so that must have meant God didn't want to love her. She didn't meet His standard, so in her mind she wasn't worthy of His presence.

Little did she know that God loves us. Period.

"For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:14

God knows that we are going to fail. He knows that we are going to mess up. He still loves us anyways.

A wise man that I know always says, "God loves us even though He has foreknowledge."

What that means is God knows what you are going to do before you do it and He loves you and heals you in the moment.

Take Jesus for example. He healed eyes that would lust after women. He healed hands that would cheat and steal. He healed people that would turn their backs on Him. And ultimately, He died for people that would never love Him.

Think about that.

Even if you never loved Jesus, He still loves you.

The very fact that you are trying to be better pleases Him, but it does not make Him love you anymore. So when you fail, it doesn't make Him love you any less.

Your success or failure does not determine the amount God's love for you.

So stop hiding from Him cause you feel He is standing with His back to you in disappointment.

You are not a failure to Him. You are His pride and joy. You are the apple of His eye, the love in His heart, the reason that the sun rises in the morning.

Let that sink in.

You are the reason that God makes the sun rise in the morning.

So if you fall down, just get back up and run to God. He has His arms wide open to love on you!!

You are a success to Him!!

#ProjectYouAreASuccess

Who Am I? Worthy.

You are worthy.

Worthy of love and of happiness.

You are worthy of being treated with the utmost respect and care.

You are worthy to be served and taken care of.

You are worthy.

Men will tell you that you aren't worthy simply so that they do not have to work so hard for your affection.

That sting of every time that they leave when you aren't easy, only makes you feel that you aren't worthy.

Trust me, I know the feeling.

Every line they push, standard they erase with every kiss they steal. 

Slowly breaking you down until you are completely and utterly desolate.

They said you were worthy though.

Said you were beautiful. And sexy. And gorgeous.

Said you were their world.

That they would never hurt you or break you.

They told you that you were worthy.

But they stole it from you. Stole your worth.

But you see, your worth is not based upon your body and your face.

No matter what people say, your worth is not measured by your pant size but by your heart size. 

How beautiful you are is not determined by the likes on your picture, or the heads that are turning. 

Your worth was set in stone on that cross.

You my darling, are a queen.

No one tells a queen that she isn't worthy to wear a crown or put on fine jewels.

Not a soul would dare tell a queen that she is ugly and worth only how far she would physically go.

A queen would not waste her time on a man who wouldn't not value her and respect her.

You are a queen.

And you already have a King.

Who is passionately in love with you.

And who is dying, wishing you were in love with Him.

All He wants is to mend your wounds, heal your hurts.

He wants to erase every voice that told you:

You aren't worthy.

Because if the King says you are worthy enough to be His bride...

Nothing could make you unworthy.

So you may ask the question, "Who am I?"

The answer is:

You are worthy.

#ProjectYouAreWorthy

Who Am I?

 

 

 

Ageless question. Does it have an answer?

 

People have tried for centuries to see who we are?

 

Are we what we do? Are we what we don't do?

 

Are we our past? Our future?

 

Are we our standards and our character? Are we defined by our integrity and our morals?

 

Is who we are simply what we are composed of?

 

Are we just a body with a mind and a heart? Are we our senses, our breath? Are we simply composed of cells, just present as long as we are present?

 

Who are we?

 

Who are you?

 

Do you even know?

 

Project "Who Am I" is all about finding who you are.

 

Hold on, God has something special in store for you. Your identity is about to be revealed. Inerasable in His dictionary. Permanent identity. Unchanging and solid, all based on God's beautiful thoughts towards His children.

 

#ProjectWhoAmI

 

 

 

 

"Is My lover here?"

 

Lately, I have been so busy that in my rushing, I have missed Him entirely. I have grown apart from Him because I am always doing something for Him. I am trying to serve Him and prove that He has done a work in me, but He can no longer work in me cause I am no longer at His feet. I am no longer in love with Him. I have lost that luster and love that I had for Him. Why? Cause I let myself fight for everything else but Him and I.

In talking with my best friend Jenna, she reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. It is a long and worn out story but it is a forgotten one as well.

Luke 10:38-42-

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

 
We worry about so many things. But what we really need to be worried about is taking time for sitting at Jesus’ feet and hearing His words to us. 

Martha wanted everything to be perfect for the Lord. He was in her house!! So everything had to be cleaned, the best meal prepared, perfection from every angle. She was rushing around, “fussing” about everything. She was so fed up because Mary was simply sitting at Jesus’ feet. Don’t you get frustrated when you are the only one doing something?

Well, Martha was forgetting that this was the man who made meals for 5,000 people out of 2 fish and 3 loaves of bread. If He wanted a gourmet meal, He could have made it appear. If He wanted her house all clean before He got there, He could have had the Cleaning Angels come and clean it up.

But, Jesus is not concerned with our mess. He is not asking for our perfection. He wants us to sit at His feet while He takes care of the meal and the cleaning house. His food, His words last a lifetime… One hour in His presence cleans more than a year of us trying to do it alone.

So where are the warriors? Where are the women who are going to say, “No, I am sorry. I need to spend time with my Lord before I serve anymore.” There will always be things to do, always be people who need help. But if you haven’t spent time at the feet of Jesus, you have no right to help anyone. You are the one who needs the help.

So are you going to stand up and fight for your love life with Jesus? Are you going to make Him a priority in your life?

Are His feet going to be more important to you than a broom and oven mitts?

Be a warrior. Spend time basking in His love and His wisdom and grace. I guarantee that once you start fighting for your relationship with Him, He will start fighting all your other battles for you. You will find that everything will have new purpose. Your laundry and dishes battle will have a little more joy behind it, your serving in the nursery will have a longer lasting impact that you realize.

Jesus wants you. Not your good works. He wants you fighting for that time at His feet so that He can finally win all your other battles for you.

#ProjectYouAreAtHisFeet




 

"Is Miss Wonder Woman here?"

“Miss Wonder Woman, is she here?"

This is the time that you stand up and raise your hand. Roll is being called and your name was just said. Shouldn’t you identify yourself?

Are you too scared? Did you sit shaking in your seat, going down the alphabet to make sure that you knew exactly when your name was being called?

Don't want to miss your name.

Then you hear your name again.

“Lady Warrior.”

Your words get stuck in your throat. Fear threatens to strangle you. "That's me! I am right here." Nothing comes out though. You barely manage to muster enough courage to raise your hand.

Where is the strong, confident, daring woman that is inside of you? Who took her away? Who stole her valor and strength? What battles has she been fighting that has not left her with enough strength to even say who she is?

I see inside of all women the desire to be strong and daring and brave. We desire to wage a war and win. Be the superhero!! Do so much that people look up to us cause we are just so wonderful and we can do everything!! We desire to wage that war, and win!!

 

 

 

Now wars can look different for all women. Some wars consist of getting through a day in high school without tripping. Others are changing diapers and cleaning and cooking. For some it is simply working. But everyone has a war and we all want to be Wonder Woman… We want to be the woman that everyone says, “Wow, do you know how much Chiarra does? She is the best person at such and such. Do you see the speedy way she does her math homework?” (Which, by the way, I can’t stand homework and I spent FOREVER on it today, that was my war of the day!)

 

 

But it our constant battle to be the best and do the most, we forget to wage the most important war.

We forget to war for our love life.

I am not talking about fighting to get the best man and steal Mr. Hottie McHot from Susie down the street. I am not suggesting that you challenge Jamie to a duel for Mr. Wonderful. Cause honestly, boys aren’t worth that much of a fuss. They should be the ones waging war for you and your heart, and if they aren’t polite kick them out the door please.

I am talking about waging a war for your love life of your Savior.

War looks a little different when we talk about our relationship with Jesus. We are trying to fight different things. And I think that the thing that we are fighting the most is the little wars that we spend so much time trying to fight every day. As women, we get so caught up on our image to the public. What does so and so think about me? Could I be doing more? Maybe if I was serving in the homeless kitchen on Mondays, then on Tuesdays I will clean the church, and Wednesday is of course church and I will help with the kids ministry. Thursday is singing at the nursing home and then working at the humane society, Friday I have to be at youth group, then Saturday I am going to volunteer with the inner city gang ministry and visit the prison and then Sunday is church so I am going to be there from 8am until 4pm helping with nursery and then I have meetings for all the other outreaches that I am helping with. Praise Jesus that I am such a wonderful servant for Him, I am going to definitely hear from Him, “Well done good and faithful servant.”

Where did Jesus come into the picture at all? Where is your serving benefitting your love life? Where does it say that being Wonder Woman gives you a beautiful story of love and passion and relationship with the Lord? Last time I checked, that wasn’t the recipe for a friendship with anyone. Never spend time with someone and you are going to find that your relationship is going to suffer.

It is time that we war for our time at His feet.

 

To be continued…

Lessons learned from a bobby pin...

Lately, it feels as if my life is falling together and falling apart all at the same time... It is both frustrating and wonderful all at once. I feel as if my life is changing, and it is scary. When you have made a place for yourself in your own little world, when that world changes, your place isn't there anymore.

Where does an oddly shaped girl fit in a messy world? Where does a girl with high standards and different thoughts fit? Where does a tender heart and a loving soul fit in a harsh and cruel world?

Ever felt like you don't fit? You are a circle and you simply cannot fit into their pretty little boxes.

As I was contemplating this thought last night in the shower, I could not help but think about how different I am... And how sometimes that makes me unhappy. I am different, which means I don't get all the guys, when I do get them I don't let them have what they want and then they leave anyways. Yet all these other girls can be all happy and in a relationship... It is really depressing sometimes. Be honest with yourself, sometimes it feels like it would be better to be like everyone else.

I don't dress to show off everything that God gave me, or didn't give me as my case is sometimes! And that means that I don't get the stares as I walk through the mall. I don't get the guys asking for my number all day. I rarely wear makeup because I think that my inner beauty (and my sleep!!!) is more important than caking on the mask. I think sometimes that people think I am a hippy cause I never straighten my hair or do my makeup... but really, I just don't care anymore. I am beautiful without having to do up myself.

See, I am a circle. And the world feels like a box sometimes.

As I stepped out of the shower, I asked God this question: "Do you have a place for me? I mean like, is there a plan in which I can fit in this life? Life is changing and I don't know where I fit..."

I looked on the floor and God answered my question with a bobby pin that I had knocked on the floor earlier.

You see, it wasn't a normal bobby pin. It was the kind that you use when you do pretty updo's. It was one that I got when I had my hair professionally done for prom...

It's a little oddly shaped, it doesn't work for every hair style...it won't work for your normal ponytail. It is special, it looks weird.

But it has a purpose. And it makes things beautiful... it helps to make hair more beautiful than normal.

But in a stack of bobby pins, it sticks out like a freak!

 

 

Bobby pins all look the same, and they all have the same purpose. You use them to do all the same things everyday. Nothing special about them. Normal, and all like the rest of them.

 

 

Do you get where I am going with this??

 

God made you an oddly shaped bobby pin. He made you unlike the rest for a reason. And that reason is to create something beautiful, out of the norm, beyond the everyday style. You make life more beautiful than normal. You will stick out, because you have a different purpose than everyone else who tries to bend themselves into a normal bobby pin.

 

So be encouraged, you won't look like anyone else. You will stick out. Just know that you have a purpose that is greater than looking like everyone else!!

 

 

#ProjectYouAreOutOfTheNormal

God paints with invisible paint...

Sometimes God paints a picture with invisible paint. You are sitting there asking for answers and He just keeps on being invisible.

Today I was having a conversation with a wonderful wise friend of mine and we were talking about the book of Esther and how God is not mentioned in the book of Esther. He doesn't fight any great battles, He doesn't do any huge miracles, God simply seems invisible. All you see in the story is Esther going through some crazy circumstances. She gets kidnapped from her home, prepped and polished for a year to go and give her purity away to a king who isn't even her own people, then she finds that after all of that, She is going to be killed with all her people, all cause of an issue that the king's best friend has with her cousin.

Pretty crappy story if you ask me. Esther just had one thing right after another happen to her. Sometimes that feels like our lives... I have a good life, but it is not an easy one. It has been one thing right after another happen for my family... Life throws some hard stones at me and I have taken the beating since I was young. I never understood why. But these last few years have been especially hard. And I always prayed God help me, take this away, why am I going through this? Why me, God? Why do I have to endure this? Are You here? Are you not powerful enough to take this away from me? Where are You and why aren't You doing anything??

Just as in Esther though, God was working.

But we don't see it until the end when everything falls together. We don't see His hand working until the very end. We see His hand suddenly in making sure that out of all the women, Esther was picked. We see that God had the plan the king's best friend would hate her cousin. If her cousin wasn't aware and in the position to talk to her about it, if she wasn't queen, if the king didn't hold out his scepter.... What would have happened if the king had plans that night and couldn't come to the feast that Esther had prepared, what if he was out at war? So many factors that God silently made happen behind the scenes.

God could have easily appeared to the king in a dream, or done some miracle through the priests. God could have created war against the nation that would have prevented them from being able to kill every Jew... God could have shone His high and glorious power, but He chose to be silent.

I am sure that the people were crying out to Him... If I was going to die I would have been!!! God please save us! God don't let me die! God help us!! God where are You? Why us? Don't You care? Don't You see that we are going to die? Why aren't You working miracles for us??

Sounds like stuff I pray all the time...

But God chose to teach the people to look for Him behind the scenes...

God was painting with invisible paint... He was working in the dark, showing no one what He was doing. He let the people think that He wasn't working on their behalf. He let them get to 11:59 at night before He turned on the black light and they could see His hand in everything!

 

We can't see what God is doing most of the time! We get so angry because He isn't working, He isn't doing miracles, He isn't showing up, catching us when we fall... But when you look back, you will see that God was painting all the time, it was just invisible paint.

Last night was when God flipped on the black light and suddenly I could see the masterpiece that He was creating with my life. I saw how each pain, heartache, and trial made the picture intricate and beautiful... Every time I asked Him why, He just smiled and kept painting. Like an artist when you ask what they are making and they smile and whisper, "Just wait." Suddenly God flips on that black light and all the times that I thought He abandoned me, He was just painting. I saw how each thing that I went through, each time that I wondered if God had a plan, it really does have a purpose...

I have used each struggle to help someone, I know what to say because I have been there. I know how God helped me and what God did for me. I have the words and wisdom of my friend and mentor, Lorie, in my head and heart. God finally showed me what He was painting with the invisible paint...

And let me let you, I cried cause I was so overwhelmed at the beauty of it all!

Let me encourage you...God is there. When He doesn't seem to be working, when you are at the 11th hour, when you have nothing left and are wondering where God is at, please know that God is painting...He is working...I promise He is there and He has a plan. Trust Him, cause when He turns on the black light, you are going to sit in wonder, gratitude and tears, saying...

God, You really were there.

Have hope beautiful ladies, He is just painting with invisible paint.

Dear Daddy,

Hey Daddy,

Yeah, I am not sure how to really talk to you. See, you were never home cause you worked all the time. And those rare moments that I did see you, you didn't really see me... I sit here, just wanting to talk but you never listen. Maybe you can read this? Please? Cause now I am grown up and I need to get some things off my chest.

Do you remember when I was three and I was trying to sing you a song? You were really busy and I thought that maybe a song would make your scowl turn into a smile of joy. All I wanted was you to smile. But you told me to shut up, that if I didn't know how to sing I shouldn't sing. Daddy, I cried myself to sleep every night for two weeks... Did you not want to hear my song? I have never sang after that night. Looking into the future, I could have had a bright career in singing, but you crushed my heart that night and I trusted my voice again.

Then there was that time that I came home with a bad report card. Daddy, all I had was a C. Did you really have to tell me how stupid I was and how I would never amount to anything? You called me stupid all the time, when I would spill my juice, when I dated the wrong boy, when I didn't make it to college. I wonder sometimes if you know how many times that word resounds in my head. You probably didn't mean it daddy, but that is the only thing I hear.

Middle is hard for every girl. And that day I just wanted to know that you thought I was pretty. "Daddy, how do I look?" "You are ugly, I don't know why you would think that you look good ever." I cannot get that out of my head. Am I really ugly? Will a man ever want me?

I wish you could see me now Daddy. I wish I could have stayed home when I got pregnant, but I couldn't bear to hear you say the words that were circling and tormenting my heart, "You are STUPID!" I wish that I would not have ended up on the streets after my boyfriend confirmed what you planted in my head, "You are UGLY!" I could have been something...My baby could have been something... Do you know Daddy that I needed you? Do you know that your words broke my heart? So here I am 17, alone, cold, a drug addict. I don't even know where my baby is.

Daddy, remember this little girl?

Please hold her now...

Love, Your little girl

Inspirational

 

Your beauty is inspirational.

 

Did you know that true beauty draws men in? Did you know that you have the ability to inspire men to become a warrior? Did you know that men desire to fight for a beautiful damsel in distress?

 

Men have been asking the question, "Am I strong enough, am I manly enough, do I have what it takes?" for centuries. This is the reason that men want to find adventure, they want a cause to live for in their life, they find everything they can to make them feel like they meausre up to a man. If a man is not displaying his full potential, then he has not had that question answered, "Do I have what it takes?"

 

Now I am not saying that it is our duty as women to make men feel like a man nor am I saying that we alone can answer the questions that they ask of their manliness. But we are created to be a mirror of what God thinks of others. They should look at us and see confirmation of the worth that God has already shown them.

Our beauty, our love, the wonder that we possess, the way that we nurture, care, and show affection, is made for a reason. We are made to find our identity and our purpose. And when we find that identity, it becomes the beauty in the inner spirit that shines through our very being.

Your smile can inspire joy, your love can inspire hope, you have the ability to inspire action and beauty. Everything that you touch has the ability to move mountains. And you can inspire men and women alike.

Imagine someone running....

They look all fit and happy. What does it make you want to do?




It makes me want to start running... To work out and be able to run with full strength, not getting tired and wearing out.
 

Imagine a dancer...

Does it make you want to dance? Does it make you wish that you took ballet and were that graceful?



















What about a great love story?

Does it make you want you fall in love and feel what they feel?









Now imagine that one person that shines from the inside out, imagine that beauty that just shines from everywhere and fills up the room. Does she make you want to be more beautiful? Does she make you want what she has?

That is what you can do for others. Your inner beauty inspires men to treat you with honor and respect. Your identity being found and solid in God wakes up the desire in other women for the same thing.

When you are sensational, everyone around you shines a little brighter! They benefit from your beauty...



#ProjectYouAreInspirational

Stilled

Tranquility. Breath. Quiet.

Summer for me is crazy. Always running around, hanging out with friends, working...everything. I feel as if I never just rest. I started to get really overwhelmed and tired. Worn out, even though I was on vacation. I put God on the back burner cause I was too tired at the end of the day to think about it.

Without God, I put up walls. Without His love, I am so burdened and overwhelmed. Without Him, I can't function.

I was walking into my room the other night, the same room that I haven't cleaned in a week, and I just felt done.

Tired. Broken. In bondage.

I HATE feeling weight on me, I hate feeling like I have chains around my wrists and heart, I hate feeling my walls up.

I started talking to God, being honest with Him, telling Him where I was at. I talk to God in a very real way because He is my lover, my best friend, my father.

"God, I am done. Again. I am too tired to do anything for You, I ran myself into the ground. I am so tired of people hurting me, You feel a million miles away, I am in a black hole again. This is not what I want but I have no energy to do anything about it. I can't physically do anything cause I am so tired."

I picked up a book I have been reading and read, "Be still."

"Be still and know I am God."

 

 

 

Knowing God starts with being still.

I don't know if that speaks to any one's heart but it spoke such rest and relief over me. Be still.

That is all you have to do. Stop trying to work for God's love, stop thinking that you have to be doing all the right things and being perfect to know God. Stop thinking that intimacy with God has anything to do with working and doing enough and being enough.

Be still.

Take a minute, breathe.

Be stilled. Let your heart stop its worrying. Lay your restless anxiety at His feet. Give Him permission to quiet you, give you peace, and lavish rest on you.

Stop everything, Be still. Stop in your tracks. Stop moving. Stop working. Stop striving so hard. Be at rest.

Know that He is God. He will work things out, give you what you need, protect and provide in every situation. He won the battle before it even started, so sit back and watch Him fight it for you. Be still, He is God and God is able.

#ProjectYouAreStilled

Extraordinary

You are a wonderful person. You are beautiful. You are secure in who you are in God. You are sexy. You are desirable. You are breathtaking.

Life. How often do we speak life into ourselves? Give ourselves a little pep talk.

The other day I caught myself mid-sentence speaking a terrible thing about myself.

I am sure that every girl has this issue but I like to say things when I am mad... Especially if you hurt my friends. I like to make up ways that I am going to injure them, or ways to get back at them. Stuff like let's go tp his house, or she is so rude, I hope she falls on her face today. Yeah...awful right? I am working on it I promise!! But after I say those nasty things I always follow it up with, "Just kidding, man I am a terrible person!!"

Which is a lie that I have said so much that I believe it after a while... I am a terrible person because I think those thoughts. Actually, those thoughts are what are terrible, not me. Yes, I should not say things like that but, they do not define me.

What do you say about yourself?

"You are so ugly. Wow, you really got fat. Why can't you stop being a failure? You are stupid. No one wants you. There is nothing good about you."

I want you to watch this video and see what these women see in themselves and how warped our reality is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

This was brought to my attention the other day by a wonderful friend of mine. I was crying in the car that night, having a total breakdown. I was crying because I felt like I would never amount to anything, felt like I would never find love, I have messed up so much that it must be something about me that is wrong. She reminded me of this video and told me that I saw myself as one thing when I was really a totally different thing. I was beautiful and that is what people saw in me. Not every imperfection and flaw.

I took this picture the other day while I was in the mountains...and I found that I was so critical of everything about it.

My nose looks huge.
I have a zit.
My hair looks like a little girl did it.
I have one eye that is bigger than the other.
I have a black dot on my face from something.
It looks like I am a drug addict cause of the bag under my eyes.
I look like I am 9 not 19.
My arm looks fat.








I want us to stop thinking like this. I want us to see ourselves as God sees us.

He looks down on us and tells us how beautiful we are everyday, every time that we look in the mirror, every little thing that we do, He thinks is wonderful.

God gave me two different size eyes, He gave me my nose. And He made me look younger than I am.

So next time that you catch yourself being critical, give yourself a pep talk instead. You are FAR more extraordinary than you give yourself credit for! So....

Go ahead, look in the mirror... Tell yourself wonderful, beautiful, true things...

Hey Maddy, you are gorgeous and mature and strong beyond your years. Taylor, you are confident and a great dancer, worthy of love and adoration. Andria, I think you look pretty hot today, you are always smiling and that smile just lights up some one's day. Dee, you are hilarious, everyone loves you, you have such a bright future.

Chiarra, you are captivating and noticed. You are beautiful.

 

You are what God says you are. Not what you think that you are. God thinks that you are extraordinary.

 

#ProjectYouAreExtraordinary

 

 

Priceless Princess

Having value beyond all price.

Inestimable worth.

Inability to calculate amount.

Am I worth something? What is my value? How much would someone do for me? How far would someone fight for me?

 

A few weeks ago I was asked the question if I loved someone. When I said I love a lot of people, the question was posed to me, "Would you be willing to suffer for someone? Would you die for them?"

 

Now this did not come from an American... This came from a Haitian. Not that really changes a lot of things, but it does put suffering in perspective... You see, our form of "suffering" is forgetting our phone at home or the electricity going out. If we skip one meal we are DYING!!! But that is the normal life for some people... So when a Haitian asks you, would you be willing to suffer for someone, that suffering is far more than what we think.

 

And I have to say that there are a few people I would suffer for, and even fewer that I would die for.

 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13

 

Just being honest here, I really must not truly love everyone. I like life. I like living. I don't like being uncomfortable, or in pain, or suffering, and I especially don't like dying.

 

Thankfully there is someone who died for me.

Thankfully there is someone who thought I had enough worth to lay His life down for me.

 

I don't think that I have enough worth for that. I don't think I am worthy of that. And quite honestly, the thought of Christ suffering, bleeding, dying, for me makes me want to throw up. I know who I am and what I have done. I am no where near worth that much.

 

But to Jesus, the King of everything, the Maker of the universe, the God who owns everything and doesn't even need me to exist, I have worth beyond compare. I am priceless. He didn't put a limit on His love for me. He just died. Laid down His life and His worth for me...

 

He calls you princess. And He calls you priceless.

 

And He gave up everything, the entire world for you. Even when He knew how much you would mess up, how much you were going to fall away from Him.

 

God looked at what you think is unworthy and called it priceless.

 

 

 

#ProjectYouArePriceless

 

 

Bad Hair Days...

 

 

Ever have somedays that you just look in the mirror wonder what in the world happened?

 

It is like when you woke up Adam's Family met the Jetson's and got confused and turned into some form of alien meets humanity which then exploded onto your face and hair? Oh yeah and this always seems to happen on the days that you are running super late... Add on top of that, the fact that your face decided that it wanted to look like a stupid pizza that exploded in the oven, and you just ran out of cover up and can't find your foundation... And none of your pants fit because you are having a fat day and the entire closet gets dumped on your bed to find a single outfit that could make you feel at least a little bit better about yourself...

Yeah if you haven't guessed by now, welcome to my life this morning! Plus I feel like laying in bed all day cause these stupid cramps are making me want to DIE!

I hate being a girl sometimes.

I am 99.9% positive that all girls can sympathize with my crazy morning...

I guess you could say that it is humbling... Whenever I can't make myself look just right I tend to want to just hide. When that quick glance in the mirror tells me that today is just a failure, I really have to question where my beauty comes from.

 

I have self-esteem issues. I think everyone at some point does! Sometimes I want to crawl in a hole and pretend that the world doesn't exist. And I don't want anyone thinking that I have it all figured out. Cause I don't.

 

Last Thursday, I did something on Twitter. I said what I wish I could be like about every girl I know. I wish I could sing as well as             ... I wish I could be as beautiful as                  ... I wish I could be as              as             .

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I wish I could be someone else or that I am not okay with who God made me to be. But my point in doing that was, we forget that people look up to us for something... We get so caught up in what we don't like about who we think we are... "Oh I look like a pizza today, my hair looks insane, I can never sing like that, I am not happy all the time like so and so....etc."

 

We forget that we are beautiful. We forget that there is something that people wish that they could have that we have. Whether it be a talent such as singing, or the smile that lights up the room, or being really good at comforting people, someone wishes they could be you for at least something.

 

And most of the time it is what those people are making fun of you for, or what they NEVER compliment you about that they wish they could have of yours.

So next time that you are having a bad day and you feel that everyone is better than you, remember this simple fact:

We are all insecure about something. We all have something that everyday we have to take to God and ask for His help to look beyond.

Instead of being hard on yourself, try to encourage someone else on those terrible hair days. Tell another girl how beautiful, or dedicated, or good at singing, or how loving they are... Bless another girl and I can almost guarantee that her smile will come around and bless you just as much as it blesses her...

Love is contagious.

Spread the germ.

 

#ProjectYouAreSecure

 

 

Perfect

That word alone is daunting. It scares me. It makes me run. Why?

Because I will never attain perfection. I will never make it there alive.

"If you try to be perfect you will fail."

That is what we hear every day in our society.

But what if we are already perfect?

What if we don't have to attain perfection, because we are already there?

I have been asking God to show me what He sees in me, what does He see when He looks at me. And the other night, He said, "Perfect."

I was just sitting there like, "Whoa, God, that must have just been my brain making stuff up cause you didn't really mean that....right??"

"Perfect," He whispered again.

Again I was baffled. I am SO far from perfect....Could He really be saying this to me?

So I opened my Bible to prove to God that I was anything but perfect...and He brought me immediately to the word "perfect". First word I read in fact.

"This is the genealogy of Noah. Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations. Noah walked with God."

Genesis 6:9 (Emphasis mine)

Umm....Okay, yeah God but that was Noah. Not Chiarra. Noah was like a wonderful person, he did everything right. He had to never do anything wrong! You called him perfect in his generation....

"No, My child, He walked with Me."

"Noah walked with God."

"Oh, okay... so what does that mean then?"

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;

Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever;

Do not forsake the works of Your hands."

Psalms 138:8

 "I perfect that which concerns you. I make you perfect. You just have to walk with Me and let Me work and finish the perfection that I have already started."

Then I got curious what perfect actually meant...Cause I thought that maybe I was thinking about things all wrong...

Conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

Excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

Entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

Accurate, exact, or correct in every detail

Exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

Don't believe me? Dictionary.reference.com, type in perfect...I swear I copied it right from there....

Stop for a few moments, read that again. Let those words flow over you... They are nothing you have to work for, nothing you have to work to prove. You are God's daughter and He sees you as perfect. Perfect is not something that we earn, not something we try to achieve through our beauty, our academics, our sports, and our weight. Perfection is given by God the second that you were thought of... thousands of years ago.

That means, if perfection was given to you way back then, nothing you do now could change that.

It was given without you working for it. Before you were even born and knew what it meant to be perfect. God formed you. And why would God waste His time on making something that was not perfect?

You are the definition of the ideal type. You are excellent beyond improvement. You have no flaw, no defect, and no shortcomings. You are correct and accurate in every detail.

The definition that gets me the most is:

You are exactly fitting the need for a certain purpose.

You have a purpose. You were created in fine detail with no flaw, not needing to add anything. You are perfect.

Say it in the mirror with your name...

Chiarra is the definition of the ideal type. Sophia is excellent beyond improvement. Nicole has no flaw or shortcoming. Jessi is accurate in every detail. You are exactly fitting a purpose.

 So stop trying to work for it.

Walk with God.

Allow Him perfect that which concerns you.

See that He created you perfect and that is how He sees you now.

#ProjectYouArePerfect

Meet Addrianna

Bald is beautiful.

 

 That's how all this madness started. My baby sister, my youth pastors' daughter, and I were all very fed up with the way society advertised beauty and the desire to achieve it. Anorexia, bulimia, self hate, suicide, and absolutely no sense of self worth were and still are some results of not fulfilling society's "beauty standards."

The three of us got to together and contemplated for months what to do about this. What would make a statement, make people question and realize how AMAZING they are, not only to us, but to God. My youth pastors' daughter said with confidence that we should shave our heads. Being a victim of self hate, and having no sense of self worth at the time, I had a real struggle with this. I held confidence in my hair, make up, and 90 pound body as a sophomore in high school. I prayed long and hard and the three of us decided to go through with it.

 

 

As I sat in the chair and my aunt shaved my head, I felt my confidence fall of my body and into my soul.

 

 

The journey doesn't end there, we promoted the idea! We told all the people we could! We took it to the public schools, to home school groups, our church, our friends and random strangers. We told every human we got the chance to talk to how amazing and beautiful they were made! Their beauty lied within not on their face or body. Still, the fight goes on. We still promote true beauty! We leave sticky notes on bathroom mirrors and push as many buttons with society as we can to get our message across!

 

#ProjectYouAreBeautiful

Hope in the eyes of Haiti...

Disclaimer, the content of this post might be a little graphic and emotionally deep for younger audiences. Please use discretion before reading.

For those who did not know, I recently got back from Haiti. And I can't tell you how much it changed everything! All that I hold dear is no longer as important to me. All my problems and things that I let consume my mind are a distant memory to me now. When you see people living in such poverty yet raise their hands and still praise God, you won't ever be able to to look at life the same.

How much do you really know about hope? And how much does it truly affect you daily? Does hope consume your mind, does it change how you feel about the world? Does it transform your vision? Does it create light in your heart and joy in your soul?

Hope is something that lights up every aspect of your face, it is something that brightens your smile and leaves you glowing. Hope is something you can't explain to others, it is something that is shown through everything that you do and are.

Hope.

Hope is beautiful.

And there is hope in Haiti.

In the place you least expect hope you will find it stronger than ever.

Haiti is a beautiful country, full of warm and welcoming people, villages of children that will melt your heart. But Haiti is also lost. It is a country overtaken with voodoo and witchcraft, where your sacrifices to the witch are more important than food in your child's belly. It is a place that I could not leave without being heartbroken.

I often wondered while I was there, where the little girls I was holding would end up in three or four years... What would happen if their parents hit hard times and had to sell them into sex slavery to pay debts? Or worse yet, what if they felt that was the only way that their child could have a decent life?

What would you do if you were a little kid, living in a place ridden with trash and bugs and destroyed from an earthquake, where one little scrape could kill you literally, wondering where your next meal was coming from, and wondering what happened to mommy and daddy, why these strange men were beating you tonight when just yesterday you were playing in the village? You have no idea why you were abandoned and you have no where to go. There is no government to put you into any kind of home, no one cares if you live or die. You are simply another body breathing and taking up space and air and food. All you are wanted for is your body, every night beaten into submission until you are nothing more than a skeleton laying on the bed waiting for the next man to rip your little body to shreds.

Now imagine being a teenage girl about 15 and not having a period for a few months, not knowing whether or not you will live through childbirth. Half of the time it is either the mom or the kid who dies in childbirth if not both. Imagine not knowing who the father is, or worse yet him having nothing to do with you. You not only have to provide for a baby with at most a dollar a day in salary, if you even are lucky enough to have a job, but you also have to find a place to raise a child. You are scared, homeless, and alone. And there is no one to help. No shelter you can go to, no crisis pregnancy center, no financial aid, no food stamps. You have signed the death certificate of your child before you even sign the birth certificate. Can you imagine how that would feel? You are invisible and you are alone. You have nothing to give you hope.

Now look at your life right where it is at. Your problems probably and hopefully seem very small to you now. When I was in Haiti I had no access to drama AKA Facebook and Twitter. I did not even turn my phone on for a week. You want to know what I found? The less I was consumed with myself, the more my eyes were opened to other people and the hurts that they were going through. The more that I focused on others and not on my own issues, the more that mine paled in comparison. Not that what I was going through wasn't an issue to me or it still did not need to be dealt with, but it wasn't consuming. I could look at my life and see the bigger picture beyond my temporary frustration.

As I was holding a little girl by the name of Francesca,  I felt my heart beat in a way that it never had beaten before. I felt it beat to the pain and heartache of another.

I felt her life and her past just throb in my arms, I wanted to weep at her joy even though she was lighter than a 3 year old when she was probably close to 10 or 11. I wanted to hold her and love her, pour everything that I was into her frail little body, covered with nothing more than a thin t-shirt with holes. Her smile made my life seem so frivolous and ridiculous, all my worries and cares seem absolutely absurd. Her joy and her laughter made me see that I was but a fleeting breath, placed here for such a time as this. I have the opportunity to do so much for people and yet I do nothing.

As I told Francesca goodbye, my heart stayed with her. My love stayed with her. I miss her more than I would I miss my arm if it was cut off.

While in the midst of unthinkable poverty and destruction, the people of Haiti still have hope. They hope in a God that is bigger than we as Americans imagine Him to be. They hope in a God who does miracles and heals the sick and raises the dead to life. They put their hope in a God even when they have nothing to prove that He is there. They put their faith in the fact that when they pray, it will happen. It may not be today or tomorrow, but God will show up. They never lose their faith in God, they never lose hope. That hope is spreading from a few people in Haiti to everyone. That hope is contagious and it is growing, despite the grim circumstances that would put any of us here in despair. They have hope in God because He is all that they have and all that they need.

So I want to challenge you, put down your phone for a day and tune into people's lives for real. Take time to look into people's eyes, ask how they are, and truly listen. Take your siblings to the park and play with them, cherish the fact that they are healthy and have the ability to smile and laugh and run.

Learn from the kids and people in Haiti, have hope in even your darkest times. Smile when you are hungry, pray when you need help, and find joy and laughter in the smallest things in life. Give hope. You have been given so much in this life, stop complaining and realize that you have every reason to have hope.

Your life is but a breath. And you are more than blessed.

#ProjectYouAreHope

A Jewel

 

Dear Love, You suck.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I love love. Honestly I do. I love being loved and I love loving. I seriously loved being a girlfriend when I was one, all the sweet letters I would write, cute things I could make, all the hearts that I could draw all over everything. I think that is why I want a relationship soooo badly sometimes. I want to love someone. I want to give them all of my heart and effort.

 

When you love someone, it is frustrating when they only return their efforts 50% of what you give. I get so upset when I feel like I am doing everything I can and the other person is not returning the effort. Relationships have ebbs and flows, times when you are empty and can't give and times that you are overflowing. It isn't going to be easy all the time but when the other person is always taking and never giving back to you, things can get hurtful.

 

What happens when we give extraordinary amounts of love and forgiveness to someone and they take advantage of it? They abuse the fact that you will always forgive them and they hurt you on purpose. That is extremely immature and they are wasting a beautiful treasure of your love on their own stupidity. It is unhealthy and you have every right to stand up for yourself and say "I love you but I will not allow myself to be walked all over. Treat me right or please do not be apart of my life." That is a completely healthy and mature way to handle things.

 

You see, if we water a garden of weeds, what are we going to get? More weeds.

 

If we water a garden of roses bushes, what will we get? Yeah we may get a few weeds and a few thorns, but the beauty of the roses will far outweigh the occasional thorn.

 

You must water your garden of roses and stop watering your garden of weeds. Take time to pour into the people who are healthy, who bring you up, love you no matter what, who care for your heart and don't want to hurt you in the same way that you do not want to hurt them... Stop watering the weeds in your life who have no care for your heart and beauty.

 

Over the weekend I had a wonderful conversation with my dad. I rarely tell my dad about my problems because I don't want to bother him and he is really busy a lot of the time. I assume that because he is in the middle of things that he won't want to sit down and talk to me (which is so far from the truth!).

 

My dad is a fantastic dude. I am sorry for everyone who does not have a dad just like him.

 

I was telling my dad about how frustrated I was with being mistreated. I give my love and I get stabbed in the back in return, and it was killing me. I was crying so hard. I was so frustrated and hurt and betrayed. We talked for a long time and I will tell you more of our conversation maybe in a later post, but he spoke such healing words to me.

 

My dad told me that one day a man would come along and he would see the jewel of my heart and be so amazed. He will be blown away by the fact that a woman like me exists, so much that he won't know what to do. He will want to protect and love every part of me. Whoever sees the beauty of my heart will never understand why anyone let me go. He will fight for me, fight to be around me, fight to love me, fight to protect me.

 

My dad told me that he was proud of me and that I was worth far more than I knew.

 

You see, you are a jewel. And your love is something to be treasured. You are someone who a man is going to fall all over. He is going to take one look at you and your heart and be starstruck. He will take care of you and do everything that he can to avoid hurting you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He will treasure and value you.

 

And until that time, God is willing to sit at the door of your heart and keep out anyone who will not treasure your beauty and strength. You are a delicate flower, not meant to be trampled on but to inspire beauty and awe and power. You are a jewel, the only one who is as beautiful as you.

 

.

 

#ProjectYouAreAJewel

 

 

Mine ((Part 3))

Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you been used, abused, taken advantage of? Has your life been harder than it should have been for your age? Have you ever gone through hell? Do you have demons that still haunt you every night, making you remember your dirty shame? Do you feel worthless? Are there faces that come to mind of people who have completely destroyed you in the past, caused wounds and scars that you are still trying to heal?

 

If you are older than 2 years old, you can say yes to any of the questions above. Unless of course you have lived your life in a stone tower far above any civilization or interaction with people. Which I guess is possible but if that is true then I am jealous of your hair.

 

Everyone in life has taken some heavy blows. Ones that we do not deserve, ones that knock us down, break our hearts.

 

And the thing about life is, the worse that we get hurt the less likely it is that we will get an apology.

 

I have been run over by so many people in my life, people who will never apologize or take responsibility. I have been beaten down, bruised, and knocked out. And I carry those scars.

 

But one night, during worship at church, God broke through some chains. Remember my first post about being God's (if not go read it really fast so this makes sense :) )? God introduces us to everyone saying, "She is Mine."

 

While I was worshipping, God took me by the waist and He took me in my mind to painful things in my past; ex-boyfriends, best friends, people who betrayed me, situations that I had run from, things that had scarred me for life. And as we stepped up to each event in my life, God introduced me to either that person or that situation and said, "She is Mine."

 

He told my ex-lovers, "She is Mine."

He told my memory of feeling worthless and invisible, "She is Mine."

He told my scars of people constantly using and abusing me, "She is Mine."

He told my little girl self who was still crying in the closet, "She is Mine."

 

He spoke those words and no longer did those things have power over me. No longer did those scars pierce me any further, no longer did those who hate me have any control. He spoke belonging and freedom into the very depths of my broken heart.

 

 

 

Ask Him to take you on a journey of your past, ask Him to walk you up to everything that has hurt you and invite Him to introduce you as, "She is Mine." Please feel free to share your story of this journey below if you feel comfortable.

#ProjectYouAreHis